FAMILY ROLES

In a family system that includes children, the roles of family members typically include one or more caregivers—they may be a biological parent, an adoptive parent or grandparent, or another extended family member—and whether they are biologically related, such as step-siblings or adopted.

The family is one of the most important social units in an individual's life. The roles and responsibilities within it determine the dynamics of relationships between family members. Family roles shape how we interact with each other in the family system. Sometimes, these roles serve to create and maintain balance in the family system. Family roles have both positive and negative aspects. What is important is understanding how well these roles work for the family and how they help or harm family members in their efforts to establish deep, meaningful, and secure relationships. Roles within the family are often shaped by social norms, cultural values, and the personal characteristics of individuals.

The way our caregivers interact with us and with each other shapes how we view the world and our place in it. If these caregivers behave in dysfunctional or unhealthy ways, children are likely to unwittingly imitate these unhealthy behaviors. Traumatic caregiver experiences are rooted in our ingrained understanding of how we socialize, which impacts three key structures: our sense of self, how we communicate, and how we relate to and interact with others around us.

We adopt certain personality traits based on our position or “role” within the family unit. If our family is dysfunctional, our role emerges from unhealthy patterns and exists to perpetuate the ongoing dysfunction.

Roles Within the Family

Roles within the family are usually divided into basic categories such as parent, child, spouse and sibling. Each of these roles determines the place and responsibilities of individuals within the family.

Parental Roles

Parents play a critical role in the development of their children. Their basic duties include providing care, educating, providing emotional support and creating a safe environment. Roles are usually clear between parents; one can provide discipline while the other can provide emotional support. However, in modern family structures, situations can sometimes occur where the roles of parents conflict or become unclear. This can disrupt the balance within the family.

Child Roles

Children are individuals who can adapt to the dynamics within the family, learn and grow. Children's roles vary according to their age and developmental level. While children are more dependent on their parents at a young age, they may seek independence and identity during adolescence. The attitudes and communication styles of parents are extremely important during these transitional processes.

Spouse Roles

Roles between spouses often include practical responsibilities as well as romantic and emotional ties. A balanced division of labor within a family is critical to maintaining a healthy relationship. Spouses should leverage each other’s strengths and work together to compensate for each other’s weaknesses.

While family members are ideally close and well-connected, they are not always able to relate to each other in a healthy way, both physically and emotionally.

Common Roles of Family Members in Dysfunctional Families

Bartolo outlined eight roles of family members that are common in dysfunctional families and explained what defines them.

“In terms of roles, if you have a parentified child, when those parent-child roles are reversed, or if there are mental health concerns or addictions, then there is definitely dysfunction,” he said. “However, assessing a family struggling with dysfunction is more than just what dysfunctional family roles are present or how many of those roles are identified in your family. If there is conflict avoidance, avoidance of past shame, or avoidance of talking about problems, then you have a dysfunctional pattern that needs to be addressed.”

Domestic violence is a common problem that we can encounter in every society and occurs in every socioeconomic group. Violence in any environment makes the person and those around them unhappy. This unhappy environment makes the person and their environment feel bad. If the child grows up in this unhappy environment, he/she may internalize the negative energy of his/her mother and father and feel worse. This problem exists in the same home, either interdependently or independently. Violence and the fear it creates have a destructive effect on family functions.

Hero: This is the "good" and "responsible" child. This person is a high achiever, the pride of the family, and goes to great lengths to avoid appearing or feeling inadequate. He or she is usually a good leader and organizer, goal-oriented, and self-disciplined. Sometimes the hero may be incapable of playing, resting, following others, or justifying others.

Rescuer: The rescuer is concerned with the needs and feelings of others and solves problems for others in the family. The rescuer may have difficulty with conflict. He or she takes on the role of rescuer to help others, but this is often to meet his or her own needs, such as relieving anxiety. This person sometimes does not realize that helping is painful. He or she also experiences a lot of guilt and has difficulty focusing on himself or herself.

Mediator: Although the mediator works to keep the peace in the family system, he or she can be a savior type. This person does the emotional work for the family to prevent conflict. He or she acts as a buffer and does so for his or her own needs, but also to help others. This can be a healthy role, depending on how the person mediates.

Scapegoat/Black Sheep: This is the person that other family members feel needs the most help. This is usually the family member who needs or is receiving treatment. This person often shows obvious signs that the family is not working through the problems. The person may have strengths such as a sense of humor, greater honesty, and a desire to be close to their feelings. However, there may also be inappropriate expression of feelings and the person may have social or emotional problems.

Switchboard: This person is the central information center in the family. He or she keeps track of what is going on by being aware of who is doing what and when. This person has the power to be the go-to person and understand how the family is doing. However, this person focuses on other people's problems rather than their own.

Power broker: This person works to maintain a hierarchy within the family with himself at the top. His safety and security in life depends on feeling in control of the environment around him.

Lost child: The lost child is the obedient good child. Obedient, passive, and hidden in the family trauma. He stays hidden so as not to be a problem. In general, this person is flexible and docile. However, he lacks direction, is afraid to make decisions, and follows without question.

Clown: The clown uses humor to balance family conflict and create a sense that everything is fine. This person has a talent for easily brightening the moment, but hides their true feelings.

Cheerleader: The cheerleader provides support and encouragement to others. There is usually a balance in meeting their own needs while being a positive influence on those around them.

Nurturer: This person provides emotional support, creates security, can be used by others, and can be a mediator. Usually focuses on having and meeting emotional needs in a balanced way.

Thinker: The thinker provides an objective, reasoning focus. Their strength is being able to see situations logically and objectively. However, they may have difficulty connecting emotionally with others.

Truthful: This person reflects the system as it is. Sometimes the challenge is how this information is conveyed. Other family members may resent or avoid the truth teller because of the power of his or her truth. Power comes when this person is combined with another positive role, such as a nurturer or cheerleader.

If you have come this far, you must have definitely found a similarity in yourself or your family. My aim is not for you to judge yourself or your elders. It is for you to approach with deep understanding and humility. Because our family is very valuable and important to us.

If you want to be free from these roles and live a wiser and lighter life, you should definitely benefit from Family Constellation and psychotherapy. Remember, those who raised us were also raised by someone else at one time. Although everyone wants the best for their children, sometimes the results may not be as desired...

Goodbye, I will be with you with a brand new article in a new issue next month...